A wise man once said the journey from knowledge to faith is longer than the eighteen inches between the mind and the heart. There are times when my body, mind and soul are completely silent that I see the truth of that statement and experience a moment of perfect clarity. It is at these moments when the music of my soul energizes my mind and fills my lips with praise. But then life goes on. The journey continues and is filled with routine and seemingly mundane decisions and events. These at the time seem small but looking back they were instrumental steps in my becoming the person God would have me to be.

The first recognizable step in my journey would be the marriage of my parents. My mother is a creative woman with a deep desire to always be, do and learn more. She loves a good joke and has trouble doing anything that isn't fun but is still always driven to do what she thinks is right. My father is more practical than creative. Happy in the here and now, his work ethic is strong and there is no task below his station. Sensitivity and compassion are his strongest qualities. This is not a complete description of the people they are but rather the qualities that they instilled in varying degrees in my brothers and me. The joining of not only their genetics, but also their uniquely different life views cleared the pathway for three rather creative, intelligent and slightly unconventional boys to enter the world.

We were not too unconventional. Being raised a Baptist, I have always had guidelines of what not to do in order to please God. Sin was always clearly defined, as well as my role as a separatist in this world. I never knew a world without God in it, but it did not become personally intentional until I was sixteen years old. I attended a teen leadership conference and realized if I was going to truly experience the presence of God, I had to leave behind my religion about God and embrace a relationship with God. Suddenly my focus changed from what I shouldn't be to what I should be. It was not the dramatic change in lifestyle one would consider a significant life experience but the change in motivation and execution was dramatically different. This forever altered the direction of my growth and awakened in me the desire to be more. I wanted, needed to experience the deeper, fuller and richer presence of God in my life and encourage others to join with me. This was the moment my personal journey began.

The journey began, but what next? Education is a way for growth but has always been a double-edged sword. The more I learn and understand, the greater my responsibility becomes to others and myself. The more I work toward fulfilling these responsibilities, the more I realize I don't understand very much at all. This firmly took root in my mind during World History in Bible College. One of our textbooks was "How Should We Then Live?" We studied the unfolding of world events bombarded with a plethora of facts but with the perspective of applying lessons learned from the achievements and failures of historical figures. The intricate balance of cause and effect interwoven with emotional response, hidden agendas and divine intervention created a puzzle that my curious mind could not resist. Up until this point I had always defined humanity and my responsibilities from a Baptist worldview. This was my starting point for understanding the exciting diversity of God's creation and yet the undivided simplicity of God's working. The door was also being opened for me to understand the diversity of God's work in creating me.

This brings me to the other defining moment Bible College played in my life, which was not quite as positive. Part of the genetic mix I received through my parents was my sexual orientation. I realized at an early age that I was different. As you might guess, based on my theological association, I panicked. At the age of fourteen I began searching for answers by reading my Bible everyday without exception. My nightly prayers included an always heartfelt, often tearful plea for God to give me the strength to overcome this dark demon that had surrounded me. For reasons that I did not understand God was ignoring my pleas, so I decided to suppress, deny myself and continue pleading. Once I graduated from Bible College, I became the Minister of Youth and Music at a Baptist Church in Ohio. I was only there for a short time and the youth group grew significantly with God's blessing. However, there were several "friends" from Bible College struggling with the same issue of homosexuality and a professor who knew I had sworn myself to celibacy. They felt that I was an abomination, a time bomb of suppressed sexual perversion, and a danger to the church. They demanded that I be removed from my position. If the Pastor and Deacons did not comply, I would be brought to the attention of the General Association, publicly humiliated and forced to resign. What my accusers did not realize was that this would in fact do more damage to the church than to me. The church was happy with my work and the board did not believe the claims. They were ready to take them to court for slander and liable, but I requested to leave quietly. I knew the basis of the letters and accusations were true even if the facts and fears were not. I was not ready to be exposed and I wanted the work I had begun to continue unharmed. So I left and was very angry with God. I saw all these years of unanswered prayer being answered with a slap in the face. What I was not seeing at that moment was the truth of all things working together for good for those that love God. Had I not had this defining moment in my life, I would have never moved to Florida and discovered an open and affirming church, which still preached the Gospel of Christ. God answered that teenager's prayer, not with a slap in the face, but with a firm yet loving, "No, I made you, love you and need you to be who you are and to be my love to this world." That one hurtful piece of my past removed the chains and opened the door for unimaginable possibilities with God.

I have never considered myself a dreamer. I know the unimaginable possibilities are there but I find it easier to see "the big picture" rather than to "think big," which is probably why God brought Rory into my life seventeen years ago. We met when he approached me at church about having a Bible study together. He thought I could teach him a few things, but the learning experience has been reciprocal from the start. Rory has a no-nonsense practical approach to Bible study. His way of reducing my grand theological enlightenments to absurd platitudes is quite frustrating but also quite grounding. He is not always right, but he is always challenging. Almost six years ago when I told him that God's call was still ringing in my heart, he wondered what had taken me so long to hear the ringing that he heard when he met me. When I told him I did not think I was capable of preaching he responded, "Sure you can. Just change your message from 'pick up your socks' to 'come to Jesus'". He has a way of visualizing and simplifying unimaginable possibilities.

One of the things I never imagined was that at the same time Rory and I were planning to further my education in seminary, the State of Florida was making arrangements to remove Rory's fifteen year old nieces from their mother's home. After interviewing his other two sisters with their husbands and then Rory and me, they decided to place Heather and Amy with us. The twins were two very troubled girls, involved in gangs, drugs and unsafe sexual activities. Our lives were suddenly turned completely upside down. I did not understand at the time why God reawakened these desires and then stopped me in my tracks. The path to my education seemed very dark and unattainable. University may have been put on hold, but school was in full session. God used those three and a half years to teach me many valuable lessons of humanity. I learned the pain of rejection is overcome by the resolve of unconditional love. I learned the agony of disciplining dissolves in the fulfillment of seeing a spark of understanding. I learned the tears of self-doubt cleanse us of the pride that distracts moving ahead in faith. I saw the darkness of trust betrayed diminished by the dawning joy of lives changed. My doubts were slowly enveloped in the peace of knowing the truth of "I planned . . . but God . . ."

I scarcely can believe all the blessings that brought me to this point: like my mother and father who taught me that anything is possible with enough faith and work. My student senate advisor, Linda Wessel, challenged me as a leader to have a servant heart and a sensitive spirit. Mrs. Stranguard, my first piano teacher, showed me that endurance and self-discipline are the reward before the goal realized. Becky Klemik was the high school music teacher who taught me the joy of self-expression. My college music professor, Charles Wilkes, maintained that you have to know the rules so you can decide which ones need to be broken to free your soul to sing. Rev. Elder John Gill, taught me compassionate ministry begins with "carefrontation", inspired me to be relevant and always directed me in the practical application of God's wisdom. Rory Webb, my life partner, as my friend and a friend to others, teaches me true compassion and kindness. As my soul mate, Rory is always lifting me higher into the presence of God. These are only a few of the pinpoint starlights of hope in the warm embracing sky of God's ever enduring love.

In this slowly progressing eighteen-inch journey of faith under that sky, I have discovered that I am an intentional creation of God's love. My ministry is not what I do, but rather who I am in expressing my love for God by showing God's love to others. The call of God to a deeper and more purposeful life is not exclusive to clergy, but rather placed in their hearts to lead and inspire others to do the same. God's call in my heart was not the future goal I wasn't realizing. It was the driving force behind each life experience that has brought me to this point. My life began, endures and ends in and through the grace of God.